


Cemetery Window

by untokki



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Support, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26035087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untokki/pseuds/untokki
Summary: Tenzo assumed those touches were meaningless. He was sure Kakashi forced himself to be nice. His eyes were just holes looking into an empty husk.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Cemetery Window

**Author's Note:**

> this is vaguely inspired by the red vox song ["cemetery window"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=si-UWEWP_n4)  
> this work was not beta read

Tenzo’s life consisted of watching people from scratched and cloudy windows. A world existed outside of his reach, and even as he clawed at the glass with blunt nails, he could never reach it. The idea of being alone always haunted him, but in some way, the solitude slowly morphed into a comforting presence that weighed down his shoulders. Cold nights spent hopping between tree branches became his time for thinking, even if he didn’t think of much more than the missions assigned to him. Sometimes, though, he found the monochrome words and thoughts in his head blossomed into something more, like a cacophony of colors and sounds that he didn’t quite understand. When his mind treated him this way, his thoughts often drifted to his teammates. Even if he was the newest addition to ANBU, they still treated him like an equal. They gave him pats on the back and some of them ruffled his hair when he returned from missions. He ate meals with them, and he rested with them. He wasn’t allowed to bond with his peers when he was in Root. No one was. 

The images in his head often faded away from his teammates and superiors and focused on just one person instead. Though Tenzo didn’t understand much of what it meant to have a family, he supposed his captain was the closest thing. He was his teacher, his superior, and most of all, his friend. Tenzo always wanted a friend like Kakashi.

He lost his footing for a moment, but it was enough of a blunder that he fell out from the cover of the canopies. He braced for impact, expecting to fall on his backside and hit the ground roughly. Instead, he was met with the blackclad back of someone from ANBU, and it took Tenzo only a moment to realize it was his captain. He was close enough to the village that he supposed it made sense for ANBU to be around, but Kakashi wasn’t typically one to go patrolling around Konoha. “You were gone for longer than normal,” Kakashi murmured, hoisting Tenzo up on his back to carry him better. “I was about to go out and find you myself.”

“That’s not necessary.”

Kakashi turned his head just a bit, enough for Tenzo to see his dark eye. “You can rely on other people now, you know?”

Tenzo didn’t respond, instead opting to rest his cheek against Kakashi’s shoulder. Kakashi was his friend, Tenzo knew that for certain, but he wasn't sure if Kakashi thought of anyone that way.

When Tenzo could not fall asleep at night, he was welcomed into Kakashi's small flat, and the older teenager would drop a blanket over his shoulders without a word. The shadows of the trees outside skipped around the darkened room, and all Tenzo could hear was the occasional flip of a page as Kakashi read. And, like many times before, Tenzo found himself watching. He watched Kakashi turn over in bed, the lamp light on the side table making his pale skin glow. Tenzo gripped the blanket over him a little tighter and laid down on the futon Kakashi had put out, staring into the darkness that surrounded his captain. If he could have just reached out, and pushed away the black clouds surrounding Kakashi, then maybe it would have been okay to get closer. Maybe Kakashi could call him more than just a teammate. They could be happy, and live away from the heavy roots dragging them down into the ground. "Are you sulking over there?" Kakashi asked, his voice breaking the silence and making Tenzo jump.

"No," Tenzo said. He rolled onto his other side, facing the wall.

The shuffling of sheets made Tenzo tense up, and even worse was the sound of Kakashi's bare feet against the wooden floor. He could sense Kakashi squat next to him, and so Tenzo curled into himself. A delicate hand touched his shoulder, and Tenzo sat up with a start, staring up at the mismatched eyes of the man over him.

Tenzo assumed those touches were meaningless. He was sure Kakashi forced himself to be nice. His eyes were just holes looking into an empty husk. Kakashi was stuck in the darkness, and Tenzo felt that letting himself get closer would throw a shadow over him, too.

"Are you okay?" 

The words seemed like they were said underwater, and for a moment, Tenzo wasn't sure what direction they were coming from. Kakashi was always too far away. The brunet wanted to break the glass window at that moment and grab his hand, and ask "Am I going to be okay?" He didn't want to merely watch the lives of people around him. He wanted to live. He wanted to feel like he was alive rather than just a figure that breathed. 

"Tenzo!"

Now everything around him was all too loud. Kakashi was holding his shoulders, and the touch was blistering and hot on his skin. The wetness on his cheeks froze him, and even when he realized the tears were dripping off his chin, he couldn't reach his hands up to rub them away. 

"What's wrong? You just started crying," Kakashi said, his voice a little lower. His hands traveled up to Tenzo's face, brushing away the tears. Though, they were quickly replaced by more.

"You're nice to me," Tenzo said. He stared, but his eyes weren't focused on anything.

"What are you talking about?"

“You shouldn’t be nice to me,” he whispered. “I’m just a root holding up the leaves.”

Kakashi brushed the hair out of his face, tucking the long brand strands behind the younger’s ears. Kakashi shook his head, and even with his face covered, the exasperation was evident in your eyes. “They really fucked you up, didn’t they?” he said softly, but it seemed like a rhetoric. It wasn’t like Tenzo would have replied to that, anyway. Kakashi sighed, “You’ve got to let go of what they taught you, Tenzo. You may be in ANBU, but you’re still a person. Of course I’m going to be nice to you.”

Tenzo turned his head away, causing Kakashi’s hands to fall from his cheeks and his hair to find its place before his face again. Even if Tenzo didn’t understand his own thoughts, he was sure Kakashi was never going to understand them, either. Tenzo only wanted the black flames sneaking up behind Kakashi to go away, but each time he wished them away, it seemed they only grew taller. Soon, they would grow high enough to engulf them both, and then maybe, Tenzo could hold Kakashi’s hand and not feel that pain. Maybe he could wrap his arms around Kakashi’s neck and feel like the other was holding him up rather than the opposite.

So he did just that.

Kakashi was sent backwards with the force, landing on his backside with one hand steadying him and the other holding Tenzo’s waist to ensure he didn’t fall with him. Tenzo hugged him close and buried his face in the crook, and he only hoped his tears didn’t burn the silver-haired teen’s skin. “I’m scared,” Tenzo admitted in a tiny voice, muffled against the other. “I’m scared.”

He could feel Kakashi’s chest expand as he let out a breath, and his hand delicately rubbed his back. “We all are.”

The word made Tenzo pause, and his hands gripped the back of Kakashi’s shirt. We. He wasn’t sure if the word had ever been used in reference to him before, but the idea of it made his body sag against Kakashi’s. “We,” he repeated, hanging onto the word.

He felt Kakashi’s jaw move against him, signalling a smile. “We can be scared together, okay? Of the past, of the present. Of everything, if we need to be.”

“Okay,” Tenzo nodded against him.

Kakashi brought his other arm up around the younger teenager and brought him a little closer. He dragged his fingers through his long hair, and Tenzo finally felt calm again. He liked the weight of Kakashi’s arms around him. He liked the hand toying with his hair. He liked the idea of “we.”

“What are you afraid of?” Tenzo asked after a moment. It seemed like Kakashi wasn’t going to respond for a while, as he mindlessly rubbed his hand against Tenzo’s back, but he finally opened his mouth to let out a whisper.

“My mistakes,” Kakashi answered, “And what those mistakes have made me.”

“But you said that we’re people,” Tenzo replied then. “And we have to keep going even if we got fucked up.”

Kakashi laughed and ruffled the top of his head. “You shouldn’t be saying words like that. At least keep some of your innocence.”

Tenzo smiled, but his eyebrows quickly furrowed. He pulled away so he could look at Kakashi. “I don’t know what I’m scared of. But I know I am.”

The elder seemed surprised by his words, but he nodded slightly. “I get it.”

Tenzo knew Kakashi wasn’t the most outspoken person. He hid his emotions just like anyone else. But the feeling hidden in those words made Tenzo feel better. Of course Kakashi understood. Kakashi understood him better than anyone else he knew. While they all had similar backgrounds in ANBU, he felt like Kakashi and him shared secrets when they looked at each other. They were both alone, but even with that solitude looming over them, they found out what it meant to breathe and feel alive. Even alone, they had each other. Tenzo decided, if Kakashi needed him, he would be the ladder he needed to get higher. And he knew Kakashi would do the same for him. 

“I think we should go to sleep,” Kakashi said. Neither of them were entirely sure how long they had sat in each other’s arms, but the moon’s light had seemingly moved away from the window and to the other side of the building. Tenzo nodded, standing up from the other’s lap. Looking down, the thin futon seemed a lot colder than it had before. Kakashi, who was still sitting on the floor, reached up to grab the brunet’s hand. “You can sleep in my bed. I don’t want you crying alone again, okay?”

He nodded. Even if he had heard Kakashi plain and clear, only a portion of his words rattled in his brain: I don’t want you alone again. 

Tenzo wasn’t going to be alone again. From then on out, he thought, it was no longer solitude that kept a cloak on his shoulders. It was the word “we.” 

The window was no longer scratched, but the smudges from Tenzo’s small hand still lined it. The glass bulged like a fisheye, light hitting the rounded edges and spilling a spectrum of colors against Tenzo’s tanned skin. He wasn’t watching the world go by, though; instead, he found himself admiring it. He was too young to see the world in monochrome, but he wasn’t quite ready to see all of the colors of it, either. In a way, the world was healing around him, and as he dropped his hands to his sides, he felt the comforting warmth beside him. It was a presence that once burned if it came too close, but now, Tenzo felt all too cold without it. He slipped his hand into Kakashi’s, and the world he was so used to watching bursted into a kaleidoscope of shades and textures and temperatures. The past was conquered and stained, and the present was being made. His future was no longer just going to be Tenzo, as Kakashi promised. The reflection in the glass was smiling now, and when he reached out to grasp it, it did not disappear. He didn’t have to reach for it, anyway, as it was something he had already obtained. The only thing Tenzo wished for then was a way to say thank you. He wanted a way to give back, mostly because he wasn’t sure if Kakashi knew exactly what he meant to Tenzo. Tenzo shook his head, coming out of his thoughts as he watched Kakashi train with a new recruit. Kakashi definitely understood. 


End file.
